JewMitch

Just a Jew. Named Mitch. Writing about his feelings.

I Saved You Some Pizza

Posted by JewMitch on January 10, 2011

I went to GWU for undergrad, which is a kind of a funny school – since instead of living in dorms, most students like in old hotels that have been converted into dorms.  This is because GWU is right in the middle of DC and has an insane amount of money – so they figured this was an easy way to expand.  For instance, I lived in the old Howard Johnson across the street from the Watergate hotel my freshman year, which was actually pretty great – since the Watergate had a great old school barbershop, where they’d give a Playboy to read while they cut your hair and the liquor store there didn’t card at all.  Also, something something about history.

Anyway, my junior year – my roommate and I scored a room in a dorm called City Hall, which used to be a luxury suite hotel, right on 24th street.  It had just been converted to a dorm, so it came with all the old hotel furniture (which was awesome) and was really nice.  The only catch was that we could only get a triple – which meant we’d have to share with a random person.

This seemed like it would be okay, but of course – it turned out to be awful.  We wound up living with someone I’ll call Jon Lotkin.  Picture a tall, slim guy with acme and anti-social personality disorder, who dates a short, plump, completely unattractive girl, who would always walk three feet behind him like a Chinese wife, and who always had a “please don’t hit me again” expression on her face.

In the semester that we lived there, I exchanged no more than a few sentences with Jon.  No, “Hey, nice to meet you. I’m your new roommate.”  Just a grunt, and then he’d bark something at his girlfriend, and she’d follow him into his room.  Once, he just yelled at her for like 20 minutes.  His temper was out of control.

So of course, my roommate and I kept trying to come up with fun ways to make him angry, but that wouldn’t result in an actual fist fight.  Or just ways to get under his skin in funny ways. Like I once made my girlfriend yell out “Do it to me Jon Lotkin!” while we were having sex and I knew he was in other room.

Jon also used to get super angry whenever we left dishes in the sink or on the counter.  But instead of talking to us about it, he would just leave nasty notes, like “Don’t leave your dirty dishes here!”

So one day we ordered pizza and there was half a slice left that nobody wanted.  So we put it on a plate – left it on the counter and left a note that read:

“Dear Jon,
You looked hungry yesterday (have you been losing weight?) so we thought you might like this cold, unrefrigerated half slice of pizza.  Hope you’re having a super good day!
Love, Mitch and Dan”

Jon came home late that night, saw the slice of pizza, angrily threw it out, tore up the note we left him and threw the pieces of the note on the floor.

We could have easily left it there, but instead we took the pieces of the note, taped them back together, then taped the note on the fridge – with a new note on top of it, that read:

“Dear Jon,
Why did you tear me up?  I was just trying to inform you about the delicious pizza?  😦
–  The Note”

He didn’t think the second note was funny either.

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One Response to “I Saved You Some Pizza”

  1. Danny said

    Typical GWU kids.

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