Just a Jew. Named Mitch. Writing about his feelings.

Solo Cup

Posted by JewMitch on July 14, 2010

A while back in Baltimore, I was at an event called the Santa Stomp. All of the guys dressed up in Santa Clause outfits (I wore one with a giant menorah across my chest) and the girls wore holiday costumes (my friend Susan came dressed as a Christmas tree). It started off as a house party and then we all went to the local karaoke bar. While singing “Somewhere Out There” in a Santa suit is almost enough for a JewMitch post in itself, it was in this setting that I met a guy who will forever be nicknamed “Solo Cup.”

Solo Cup worked for the Solo Cup Company and unlike everyone else who was in full Santa/Christmas gear; he was wearing khakis and a polo shirt, with a red Rudolf the Reindeer nose. I was nearing black out drunk, but Solo Cup somehow cornered me into a conversation at the bar. Note: in order to get the full effect of this story, you have to picture Solo Cup talking in an extremely slow, monotone, nasal voice (kind of like Eeyore, but sadder and more depressed). Also, keep in mind that this conversation was happening as about 20 drunken Santa Clauses were taking turns performing 80’s pop karaoke and downing Jello shots by the handful.

S:  Hello, my name is _______ .  I work for the Solo Cup Company.

M:  Hey. So do you actually work at the Solo Cup Factory? That’s awesome! That must be like working at the Wonka Chocolate Factory. Do you get to test out all the new disposable cups before they hit the market?  Also, can you help me find the Solo disposable coffee cups with the lids on them? They always sell out of them at the grocery store.

S:  No, I work in an office building. And I mainly work with their financial statements.

M:  Oh.

S:  The Solo Cups Company is actually in a lot of trouble. The company heavily refinanced several years ago and now may not be able to shoulder its debt. The company is actually made up of many subsidiaries and some of them are losing a lot of money.

M:  So you don’t know where to find those disposable coffee cups?

S:  No.  What do you do?

M:  I’m a lawyer.

S:  Oh, a lawyer… I thought about going to law school, but then I decided it would be too boring.

Solo Cup then took off his reindeer nose and went back to slowly sipping his Bud Light. I’m pretty sure this was the exact moment when I knew I didn’t want to be a lawyer anymore.


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