JewMitch

Just a Jew. Named Mitch. Writing about his feelings.

Chinatown Bus Fun

Posted by JewMitch on June 22, 2010

Back when I used to live in Baltimore, but liked to pretend that I lived in New York City, I used to take the Chinatown bus up almost every other weekend. Nowadays, a few legitimate companies have taken over this business, and offer clean, comfortable buses that safely get you between DC, Baltimore and NYC. But back when I did this, the companies were “AABus,” “Lucky Star Bus,” “MVP,” and “Apex.” You didn’t so much buy a ticket, as much as you went to the Baltimore Travel Plaza (a great place to go if you’re a hooker who doesn’t like earning a lot of money), gave some random guy with a walkie talkie and a clipboard $20, and got on a sketchy white bus.

Still it was so cheap (I mean, a cab ride from one neighborhood in Baltimore to another was $13) and the bus drivers sped like hell, so it was worth doing when you didn’t think there would be traffic. Also, the crowd was always interesting, since it was mostly Chinese. The first time I rode the Chinatown bus, someone actually had a live chicken on it. It was loud, and smelled, but I would just take an Ambien and pass out.

However, as more people found out about the bus, it eventually became more gentrified, and I found myself doing odd things like helping a twenty year old read/revise her first lease. One time I had forgotten the Ambien and was talking to a buddy on the phone. We were having a typical guy conversation: giving play by plays of our latest dirty hookups, telling stories about getting too drunk/throwing up, swapping pick up strategies and R rated jokes, etc. This went on for at least half an hour or so.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have no control over the level of my voice when I’m on the phone and always talk too loudly. And of course, there was a nice couple in the seat ahead of me. They were in their mid twenties, but everything about the girl made me assume she was a bitch. Cropped haircut, conservative/sensible Walmart clothes, a lot of denim. Also, I could tell that with every minute of me talking, she got more and more physically upset by the content.

As soon as my conversation was over, she leaned into the aisle, and sternly said to me, “You know, not everyone on the bus needs to hear your conversation.”

To which I replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m hard of hearing. I wish you had told me earlier.”

She immediately apologized profusely, and didn’t say a word to me for the rest of the trip.

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One Response to “Chinatown Bus Fun”

  1. lenka said

    the girl was just jealous that she couldn’t afford to have a cell phone.

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