JewMitch

Just a Jew. Named Mitch. Writing about his feelings.

Kike Baby

Posted by JewMitch on April 25, 2010

Unbelievably to many (and myself), I used to work in a law firm, where I read contracts, and generally lived a super boring life. Also amazingly, I was the only Jewish person at my law firm. (Note: this drove my mother crazy. “How did you manage to find the only law firm with no other Jewish people?!”). This was great for me though, as I get uncomfortable if I’m around too many Jewish people (I did not really enjoy my visit to Israel), and this gave me a carte blanche to make jokes about other Jewish people/eat a big lunch on Yom Kippur/make up fake Jewish holidays, etc.

The firm was generally pretty WASPy, but there also one Asian attorney, who I was good friends with. Together we used to regularly trade Asian insults for Jewish insults. “I’m putting you last in the batting order of the softball team because Jews can’t hit” for “Do Asian people eat fortune cookies after every meal? Because sometimes I notice you don’t eat one after lunch. How do you know your daily fortune and your lucky numbers?”

We we’re pretty brutal to each other, and one day the senior partner of the law firm took me aside for a serious chat. “Mitch, I know there’s a lot of joking around that goes on between you and some of the other people here, but I do understand that you’re the only Jewish person here, and I want to make sure that you’re comfortable with everything.”

I replied that of course I was, and that I wouldn’t give it out if I couldn’t take it, and that it was all in good fun. Then I said, “However, it does really bother me when Michael calls me ‘Kike Baby.’ Can you ask him to stop that?” After which, I just walked away and ended the conversation, leaving the partner with no clue to whether or not I was being serious. This was probably my favorite moment working at the firm.

My second favorite moment came when they gathered all the associates in the conference room and announced that they were bringing in a new associate, who they were really excited about. However, we should know that she had experienced some sexual harassment at her last job, and we should all be extra sensitive about that subject around her. It was nothing too awful, but apparently some of the guys at her last office had been publicly watching pornography on office computers and this had really bothered her. At which point in the meeting, I said loudly, “Damnit – now I’ll have to cancel my Pornography-Welcome-Basket that I ordered for her.”

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2 Responses to “Kike Baby”

  1. Josh said

    I used to totally make up Jewish holidays too when I was living in Missouri. But that fortune cookie line is hysterical.

  2. AJ said

    no words. just snarf.

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