Just a Jew. Named Mitch. Writing about his feelings.


Posted by JewMitch on April 18, 2010

Everyone knows that guys like to rate girls based on their appearance and that we spend most of our days doing this (If not, well, you should). There are a lot of different rating systems out there, but my favorite is a modification of the “zero-beer-fuck” system.

A while back, my friend Julie was having a really bad day (she had just gone through a break up) and was out drinking with a male friend of hers. To cheer her up, he looked straight into her eyes, and said, “Julie, you have nothing to worry about. You’re a zero-beer-fuck.”

The amazing part of this story is that he was completely sincere and this was, in his mind, one of the highest compliments that you could pay a woman. “Julie, you are so mildly attractive, that it would take zero amount of alcohol for me to sleep with you. Yes, I would have sex with you sober. You are that mildly attractive.”

The other awesome part of this story is that it’s clear that he lumps all woman that he would sleep with sober into one awesome “zero-beer-fuck” category, and everyone else is probably between 1-20 beers. In this system, there is no difference between the supermodel and the cute girl at the grocery store; they both have the high honor of being “zero beer fucks.” In a way, it’s very empowering to women.

Because my friends and I loved this story so much, but also needed a more precise way of rating girls, we ended up combining it with the traditional 1-10 rating system. For instance, a cute girl might be a 7, but her friend with the slightly weird face is a 2-beer-7. Or a 4-beer-7. And her really ugly friend might be a 15-beer-7. Or a 5-beer-5. Or a 30-beer-fuck. It’s up to you.

Feel free to modify and use in public.


2 Responses to “Two-Beer-Seven”

  1. Hunter said

    I think a 30-beer-fuck means “I’m going to puke all over you/your bedroom one way or another”. Nice system, not for amateurs, though.

  2. Andrew said

    I prefer the area code system. First digit is 1-9 on her face, second digit is 0 or 1 on if you’d fuck her, and final digit is 1-9 body. You can start short handing it to “yeah I would, she’s a Boston (617)” or “No way, not with that DC! (202)” or “Yeah, but I wouldn’t tell my friends about that San Fran (415)”

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