JewMitch

Just a Jew. Named Mitch. Writing about his feelings.

Bedwetting

Posted by JewMitch on June 2, 2009

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I seem to have a problem that few guys my age have; girls keep wetting my bed. Or beds that I happen to be sleeping in. I have had not one, not two, but three separate girls wet my bed. Two of which, did it on more than one occasion. This is an absolutely ridiculous statistic. And I know you might be thinking, “Mitch, maybe you should stop going home with really drunk girls?” And while you have a valid point, these instances have occurred after a wide variety of social settings, some of them not even involving alcohol. One girl just happened to have a thyroid problem. Seriously. It’s like a gypsy cursed me at some point during my twenties.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been peed on before while you’re sleeping, but it’s the absolute worst. It’s like, you’re dry and warm and all cozy, and the next minute you’re still warm, but a little wet. So you roll over a little bit, but the wetness continues to creep over to your side of the bed. And the bed keeps getting wetter and warmer, until you realize, that this isn’t a dream, this is pee. And it’s not your pee. And it’s all over you.

And now, you need to wake up, wake her up, explain to her what she did, explain – no, this is your pee, this is not my pee, take the sheets off the bed, throw them in the washer, scrub the bed down with soapy water, set up a fan to help dry the mattress, get out the spare blankets, put her in the shower, put yourself in the shower, and then set her up on the couch, while you sleep on a chair or recliner, thinking about how you just got peed on. There’s something about this situation that puts neither of you in the mood to cuddle. 

And while you’re trying to maintain control over the situation, the girl just wants to go back to sleep, because after all, it’s her pee, and your own pee isn’t so bad. I actually had one girl put her hand on the wet bed and say, “Oh, it’s mostly water.”

It’s like, I don’t really need a chemistry lesson here. I am aware what the chemical make-up of pee is. I am aware that pee is sterile when it comes out of the body. But that really doesn’t change this situation or make it any more fun for me.

But to tell you the truth, getting peed on doesn’t really bother that much anymore. The last time it happened, I was like, “Oh, this is my life. Let’s take off the sheets, etc. etc.”

I know the drill now. I mean, it’s a pain in the ass, but it’s happened so many times that I’m not really surprised anymore. And the one saving grace is that it automatically gives you a trump card for future arguments. “I may have passed out on the floor and called your friend fat, but is there any pee on you right now? No? Then I don’t think you can really complain that much, can you?”

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2 Responses to “Bedwetting”

  1. jeff said

    Ahh… Thanks for the quick reply… any pee stories = best post ever

  2. […] One of the most awful things I did to her was at a Halloween party back in college. My college friends and I used to play a game at parties called “Pee Club.” The way the game works is that in order to be a member of Pee Club, you need to pee in front of all the other members of Pee Club. I know this sounds like something that five-year-olds would play; but we had all just watched Fight Club and it was a really fun see people’s faces at a crowded party after 10-11 people (guys and girls) all come out of the bathroom at the same time. In retrospect, it’s probably karma that I’ve had so many girls wet my bed. […]

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