Just a Jew. Named Mitch. Writing about his feelings.

Baltimore Wedding Fun

Posted by JewMitch on May 31, 2009


Last weekend, I had to head back to Baltimore for a wedding, my first trip back since moving to New York. I was mildly exciting for the wedding – until I realized that not one, but two ex-girlfriends would be there. But oh well, I live in New York City now, and am awesome, and there would be unlimited Miller Lite there (or so I thought).

 So I grabbed the train down to DC to spend some quality time with the folks before the wedding, which was nice, but I had to keep reminding them that this visit counted double (I spent two nights at home) and that I would not be coming back to DC until Rosh Hashanah. It was okay though; they bought way too much food (8 steaks for 4 people), there was beer and some Maker’s Mark (which I had forced my dad to buy earlier), and it was actually nice to spend a weekend in suburbia after living in New York the last couple of months.

The wedding itself was fairly standard – sit in the church for a while, watch my friends make a promise before god, go to a cocktail hour, go to a reception and listen to the same songs that are played at every wedding. But they played Journey too (it was a Baltimore wedding) and that made me happy. Plus, as I get older, it seems like I need to go to weddings for no other reason than to see old friends that I don’t see anywhere else.

Since I couldn’t stay at my ex-girlfriend’s house – I called my one (one!) single male friend who I knew was going to the wedding and asked if I could stay with him. His apartment was also very conveniently located near the train station. It’s funny; when you’re younger and in college, you think that weddings will all be super fun. You picture an open bar, tons of hot single bridesmaids that are looking to hook up, and a wild party that goes all night. When in reality, many weddings today only have wine and beer, there are almost no single people there, the party is always kind of tame, and instead of hooking up – you get to talk to a lot of aunts and then pay a dry cleaning bill.

Still, it is kind of fun for some reason. And it is nice to believe in love for a minute as your friends exchange vows. And even if the marriage eventually ends in utter failure, maybe that couple will at least always have a memory of that time when they believed in each other so much that they decided it’d be a really great idea to spend thirty grand on a party that lasts five hours.

And aside from the beer running out around the third hour, then the caterers buying more beer, but instituting a one-beer-per-person-at-a-time rule, then running out again, then running out of champagne, then running out of wine with an hour left to go in the wedding; it was a nice day.

Oh, but this all brings me to the most important part of the story, and the reason I deemed this worthy blog material; the part where I saw my most recent ex-girlfriend at the reception. There are a lot of theories about how to handle seeing an ex that you haven’t seen in a while. These range from playing the jealously card, to playing it cool, to making a big scene with lots of yelling, to taking tranquilizers, to just staying home and crying in your room. But I think I came up with something much better than all of those.

So the ex and I are making small talk – how you doing, you look nice, blah blah blah. When all the sudden, I needed to fart. So instead of excusing myself, I turned slightly away from her, farted in her direction, and then used my hand as a fan to waft it over to her. She immediately smelled it and made one of those “I just smelled a fart” faces and looked at me. To which I replied: “I just farted on you.”

I put it down as one of my favorite Mitch life moments of the year so far.


2 Responses to “Baltimore Wedding Fun”

  1. brian said

    Love it.

  2. […] up Note #3:  This is the same girl from this post. GA_googleAddAttr("AdOpt", "1"); GA_googleAddAttr("Origin", "other"); […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: